Fear of success with women in Singapore

It's a brand new experience for me today, i did the unthinkable. Well..at least it felt fresh.

I was talking to someone today, and throughout the conversation i could feel an intense energy i can't really explain or decipher. It was somewhat defensive and rigid. Like trying an impossible feat of moving a brick wall with your bare hands.

It got me thinking. And after some painful mind screwing i was giving myself...this is what i came to conclusion with...

People often create an idea of what their life is going to be like, or will eventually be like..And almost auto-pilot-ly..they identify themselves with it. This whole concept eventually becomes their reality. Their reality of who they are, what they are worth, and how they are going to live their life. Which is obviously what makes human beings unique individuals...to a certain extent maybe. Lets face it..let's just dwell into the deeper of it all. Do we really have a strong sense of who we are, and our purpose in life? Or are we simply just following what we think another person is doing right and foolishly model their sense of reality?

Have you ever had any experience talking to a friend whom you think needs help, but just for god's sake sticks to what he thinks he's doing right...even though reality says otherwise? I did. I remember talking to a friend about self improvement, hoping i could add some constructive value to his life...only to end up being mercilessly mocked at by him. Believe me, when you truly want to help, and end up being insulted and laughed at..that will never feel good.

"Do you really think that by going out socialising, and talking to strangers will help assist you in developing your communication skills with the opposite sex? Are you really that desperate to have a girlfriend? Oh com'on, don't be silly. I don't even need to learn all these. I am so blardy good looking. I have an awesome career. Girls will come. All will fall in place. Relax!! Remember how betty used to go head over heels over me? Remember how 5 years ago that girl went crazy over me?" --- Yea..5 years ago? What about the present moment? Stop living in the past will you?

All of the above...might sound familiar to you. Or maybe that person is you. I don't know. But i have friends like that, definitely. I used to come from that state of mind too. LOL. Pretty funny huh..especially now i'm thinking about it. And it brought me to ponder deeper. What is all this bullshit thinking all about? Matter of fact, it's probably derived from FEAR. Fear of having your already constructed reality shattered. Simply because you are being so comfortable in it that you felt there is no need for anything better, anything closer to getting to know your higher self. That similar anxiety you felt when you are unsure of whether you should take on that promotion opportunity or not. YES! That anxiety. That fear of success. That uncertainty.

Or maybe i should just stay put at where i am..at least i kinda feel safe? And then i die and realised how short my journey towards self improvement was? That is sad.

That is probably the reason why most people are unable to take the first step, the first plunge even though they know it eventually will be fruitful for them. The inability to accept that their mentally constructed reality will be destroyed, along with their identity...i mean..it is true...been there, done that. GROWN. =)

It is so paradoxical isn't it? I know i want it, but there is this unexplainable force holding me back. Just what the hell is it? I know by self improvement is good for me, but i just don't feel i need it right now.

WHY?

Maybe i'm just too afraid to leave this comfortable zone in my life to explore new arenas. Or maybe when i step out of comfort, i might die. Or maybe.. or maybe..or maybe...

It never ends. The question keeps coming. What if i surrender my ego, and just take the plunge?

Uncertainty?

Look, when you are born you are uncertain if you are going to survive. When you take an exam, you
are uncertain if you are going to pass with flying grades. When you take on your first job, you are uncertain where it will eventually bring you. And when you die..you are uncertain where you will be going.

YOU ARE LIVING IN UNCERTAINTY ALL YOU LIFE.

So when are you going to get out of your head? Maybe never? What is so scary about uncertainty, now that you realize you have been living your life in uncertainty all this while?

I was conversing with someone who commented on my hair. Reality wise..yes, it probably didn't turn out the way she thought it to be. It simply cannot fit in. So instead of accepting it, she rejected. She became dictative of how my hair should have looked like.....she wanted it to be fitted into her perceived reality. So as to feel comfortable..to feel "at peace". Notice how sometimes you kinda feel icky when you see something you just cannot accept?

LEARN TO ACCEPT IT.

Learn to face your fears. Learn to gravitate around them. Learn to take action.

Till then,

Do something

Love.