Using your powers to date and attract women wisely.

I was watching the tyra banks show on tv. It was a pretty damn drama situation. They put a loving couple to a test on their relationship..by allowing both of them to go on a date with another person for 24 hours. Can you believe they had the whole camera crew shooting the whole date? Gee.

It was pretty nerve wrecking just watching it. The girl was displaying terrible integrity while on a date with another dude. Spouting stuffs that were painful to even listen. Even if i'm not her boyfriend...man...it was painful.

"Never had a date before while with my boyfriend"... - bullshit? I think so.

And on the other side of the picture, the guy too...did some no-no stuffs. Holdiong hands, smelling his date's neck...well.

But what the hell is that about in the first place? 2 insecure people in a relationship? It's good publicity and good tv show by the way...given that people love drama..but that was just plain stupid. It was horrible conditioning. Hidden messages that people have a lack of honesty was all over the place. Planting negative thoughts into people's minds? Damn.

I forced myself to follow through with the show...

Everything looked pretty damn bad. It was tv show ..true... but the message that audiences received just by watching it was damaging enough.

80% of the audiences were females.

Rebuttal time.

Female lead had massive validation on her excuses on why she did this and that..although it obviously looked and was not right. Male lead was brutally slashed when he escalated physical contact on his date. Female lead was given ample time to explain her actions while male lead was immediately interrupted and cut off by tyra banks on his explainations.

Equality? I think not.

I felt bad for him. He had no other way to justify his actions. He had nowhere to go. And before you know it...oil was added onto the fire.

Interview time!

Audiences were invited upfront to give their comments on whether the female lead should continue her relationship with the male lead.

Audiences invited were all females. NO males.

All said "He doesn't deserve you".

OUCH. The male lead was slammed mercilessly. Poor dude.

In the very first place..nobody should have any say or any authority to comment or justify a relationship. BUT YOU.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Do not let other people tell you what you should do. Whether you should break up with him or her. If you ain't even sure of it yourself, what makes you think an outsider is?

It is very sad to see people letting others control their life situations. Let me tell you. That is not wise at all.

It is as if a negative molecules wants to see a neutral molecule turn negative...so they can form an atom.

The scary part about that show was really this...................

"Female audiences rooting for female lead to breakup with boyfriend. Audiences were cheering with wide smiles drawn across their faces"

What a terrible dysfunction!

It was really this....People placing their happiness on other peoples sadness.

OUCH. Stop that. They don't know what is good for you. You know.

And having such dating skills being so mainstream....many people have misused their ability.

With great power comes greater responsibilities.


I've seen people who misused their powers and go around breaking up relationships. And ultimately stroking their ego so that they feel so much more better after doing a bad deed...by saying to themselves....

"I know i am a better man for her. Her current boyfriend is a chump. She won't be happy. Let me show her what she is missing"


YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO SO.

What makes you think you have? You don't know. True enough, the girl's boyfriend may not be as influential or outgoing as you. True enough, on comparison if i place you both on a weighing scale..you will come out top. But that still does not give you any power to break up a relationship.

Don't get me wrong here. It is ultimately fine to have a healthy self esteem by knowing that you are a great guy that can give any woman a great time. But it is not right to use this affirmation as a reason to allow you to spring into action by being the "Haha-Im -Going-To-Snatch-The-Girl-From-The-Boyfriend guy". Because you don't know. You have no rights.

If you look at it from a bigger picture..why do you even need to get the girl who is already in a relationship? Deep down...is it just another ego boost to your mental concept of yourself as a "sexworthy guy"? If she really hates being in the relationship she's in...and is dying to get out of it....she will tell you. But it is of no proper moral tothe situatio even escalate n just because you know you are a great guy.. and can "give her a great time that her current boyfriend can't". \

Don't tell me things about "If the relationship if going well, she wont cheat". That is simply a lame excuse again for your stupid ego to escalate and get the girl.

What i'm talking about here is...you have no rights to determine her happiness..and his happiness. If you are even in the process...or utilising any single "tactics" to try to get the girl...you know you have crossed the line.



Again....YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS.


My stand has always been the same. I'll never touch a girl who is attached. And i know when to draw the line. And i have another new found friend.

The distribution of power has since become a get-the-girl kind thing...and not about self-improvement and communication skills anymore..


I am deeply saddened...


Power has to be balanced....It will only serve to ruin you one day...if you ain't know how to use it.

Fear of success with women in Singapore

It's a brand new experience for me today, i did the unthinkable. Well..at least it felt fresh.

I was talking to someone today, and throughout the conversation i could feel an intense energy i can't really explain or decipher. It was somewhat defensive and rigid. Like trying an impossible feat of moving a brick wall with your bare hands.

It got me thinking. And after some painful mind screwing i was giving myself...this is what i came to conclusion with...

People often create an idea of what their life is going to be like, or will eventually be like..And almost auto-pilot-ly..they identify themselves with it. This whole concept eventually becomes their reality. Their reality of who they are, what they are worth, and how they are going to live their life. Which is obviously what makes human beings unique individuals...to a certain extent maybe. Lets face it..let's just dwell into the deeper of it all. Do we really have a strong sense of who we are, and our purpose in life? Or are we simply just following what we think another person is doing right and foolishly model their sense of reality?

Have you ever had any experience talking to a friend whom you think needs help, but just for god's sake sticks to what he thinks he's doing right...even though reality says otherwise? I did. I remember talking to a friend about self improvement, hoping i could add some constructive value to his life...only to end up being mercilessly mocked at by him. Believe me, when you truly want to help, and end up being insulted and laughed at..that will never feel good.

"Do you really think that by going out socialising, and talking to strangers will help assist you in developing your communication skills with the opposite sex? Are you really that desperate to have a girlfriend? Oh com'on, don't be silly. I don't even need to learn all these. I am so blardy good looking. I have an awesome career. Girls will come. All will fall in place. Relax!! Remember how betty used to go head over heels over me? Remember how 5 years ago that girl went crazy over me?" --- Yea..5 years ago? What about the present moment? Stop living in the past will you?

All of the above...might sound familiar to you. Or maybe that person is you. I don't know. But i have friends like that, definitely. I used to come from that state of mind too. LOL. Pretty funny huh..especially now i'm thinking about it. And it brought me to ponder deeper. What is all this bullshit thinking all about? Matter of fact, it's probably derived from FEAR. Fear of having your already constructed reality shattered. Simply because you are being so comfortable in it that you felt there is no need for anything better, anything closer to getting to know your higher self. That similar anxiety you felt when you are unsure of whether you should take on that promotion opportunity or not. YES! That anxiety. That fear of success. That uncertainty.

Or maybe i should just stay put at where i am..at least i kinda feel safe? And then i die and realised how short my journey towards self improvement was? That is sad.

That is probably the reason why most people are unable to take the first step, the first plunge even though they know it eventually will be fruitful for them. The inability to accept that their mentally constructed reality will be destroyed, along with their identity...i mean..it is true...been there, done that. GROWN. =)

It is so paradoxical isn't it? I know i want it, but there is this unexplainable force holding me back. Just what the hell is it? I know by self improvement is good for me, but i just don't feel i need it right now.

WHY?

Maybe i'm just too afraid to leave this comfortable zone in my life to explore new arenas. Or maybe when i step out of comfort, i might die. Or maybe.. or maybe..or maybe...

It never ends. The question keeps coming. What if i surrender my ego, and just take the plunge?

Uncertainty?

Look, when you are born you are uncertain if you are going to survive. When you take an exam, you
are uncertain if you are going to pass with flying grades. When you take on your first job, you are uncertain where it will eventually bring you. And when you die..you are uncertain where you will be going.

YOU ARE LIVING IN UNCERTAINTY ALL YOU LIFE.

So when are you going to get out of your head? Maybe never? What is so scary about uncertainty, now that you realize you have been living your life in uncertainty all this while?

I was conversing with someone who commented on my hair. Reality wise..yes, it probably didn't turn out the way she thought it to be. It simply cannot fit in. So instead of accepting it, she rejected. She became dictative of how my hair should have looked like.....she wanted it to be fitted into her perceived reality. So as to feel comfortable..to feel "at peace". Notice how sometimes you kinda feel icky when you see something you just cannot accept?

LEARN TO ACCEPT IT.

Learn to face your fears. Learn to gravitate around them. Learn to take action.

Till then,

Do something

Love.

Amazing how things change.

It's amazing.

I was walking back from supper and I spotted a cute girl with her boyfriend (apparently) from a distance away.

The first thought that crossed my mind was: "She may not be happy in that relationship."

The next was: "Wow.. 8 years ago I would have thought otherwise."

Now, I'm not saying that it's a good way to think, but it's literally universes apart from how most people would see things, given the same situation, isn't it?

Typical thought-pattern of convention thinking:

"Oh she's attached.. .too bad."
"She has a boyfriend.. forget it, what's the use of even trying?"

And so it ends there... or does it?

Let's just say my point-of-view opens up a whole new world of possibilities. In that instance I could decide to find out if she's happy with her current situation.

Instead of "too bad", I wondered "what if she isn't happy?".

So it came to the conclusion that people do and can change. It just takes time, effort and the willingness to.

Inner game takes a long time for most people. Guys in this community often encourage the development of both outer and inner game. They compliment each other.

Sitting at home reading 10 hours of self-improvement books won't help if you don't get out there and experience it first hand.

Going out there with no technique, adequate skills nor the appropriate mindset for 10 hours will only teach you what not to do the next time, and perhaps if you're lucky, you find something that works. Worse if you never learn from your mistakes.

Do both. Join our theory classes and our In field classes where we meet women together in real life situations.

Life is always good. Be a great guy.

Simple is what get the girls.

Met some awesome guys last night, really cool and sincere people. Shared some ideas on dating throughout the night, and voila.!!. Laughter and smiles all over the place. It's as if people around us were non-existent.

Had a simple but mind blowing epiphany today.


Simply put, it's this simple and stupid system in which people learn new stuff. Especially in the dating industry...which makes them so darn robotic, and fake..yea.


Oblivious ---> Exposed to new technique ---> Test out new technique ---> Trial and error ---> sift out what works and what doesn't ---> Explore new technique ---> Test out technique --->Trial and error ---> sift our what works and what doesn't

Awesome flow chart right? I mean trial and error is great right? NO? From being totally oblivious to any dating advices to having an upper hand, to trying out these new found knowledge, to testing it out, to keeping what works and what doesnt, and finally to explore NEW techniques again...and on...and on..and on...

Great you say? Yes..that's what most guys in the dating community thinks...and eventually behave.

Great..i digress.

That's what's gonna kill you in the long run. From building up an egoistic self, to making yourself feel miserable by always having the need to think of new tactics to get the girl.

As i always say...keep it short and simple. and POTENT.

My mentality..

Oblivious ---> Exposed to new technique ---> Test out new technique ---> Trial and error ---> sift out what works and what doesn't ---> Understanding why it works and why it doesn't --->
Freeflow time!

PERIOD.

The difference between both mentality?

The first one gets you stuck in the "What should i Say, Do, Behave NEXT?" to get the girl bubble of stupidity. And turns you into an analytical FREAKSHOW who doesnt know how to have real fun.

The latter enables you to expand your perspective, while understanding key concepts..in essence allows you to showcase your natural attractiveness, while not compensating on the attraction department.

Fair?

Is this the key to destroying weird freak shows ??

I dun know..

I just love myself.

=)

Building A Life.

Have you ever wondered how some people have really awesome life, and some just do the same old boring thing day after day...until they get old? It doesn't take a fool to know that you have totally control over your own life. And it doesn't take a fool to know that the results you get are determined by your responses. As a matter of fact, view your life as a movie. You are the actor of the movie. If you are make it past 70 years old , you are basically living only 28,000 days at max. You have to do something about it. One life one chance and this your chance to decide how you would want to live your live.

Do not get me wrong here, I'm not telling you to go hit somebody or even kill someone. You might be damn kidding right? Start doing the things you really wanted to do, but have always held you back due to the excuses you have given yourself like " I don't have the time". " What would others think of me". " My parents won't allow" ect. The more excuses you have, the more fear you have and only return to "NOTHING".

One of the things life boils down to are SURVIVE and REPLICATE. You obviously do not survive, unless you are a immortal. Which of course is not possible. What you can do, is to survive tough and rocky life situations. There are no problems in life. Only situations. And how we deal with situations reflects directly on how it will turn out. A rule of the alpha, BE UNREACTIVE. Simply means, be unaffected by external factors. It's tough to do, but yes it can happen. If you practice, if you are conscious enough. Be present and in the moment. If somethings terrible happens, you do not fall into the unconsciousness and allow your emotions to control you. You simply acknowledge the presence of the situation and know it there. It doesn't affect affect you on a deep level. I'm not telling you to be emotionless. It about controlling your emotions. If you let it run wild, you start falling into an irrational state of mind, and you're like a crazy bull running around the place, not towards a red cloth, but a black one. Start taking charge of your emotions, when you are able to do that, you will and i promise...be able to feel so much in control.

Replication, of course comes in when you start building families. I'm not gonna touch on this too much. if you cannot even survive, how would you replicate? Start building a life. Join a dance class, go take up martial arts classes, go do some water sports, go travelling...talk to strangers...make new friends. If you can start doing this right now, you will start to feel that time is limited. And you will start to realise the importance of every being in the world. You have to be happy with what you do. What I'm revealling here isn't rocket science, but basic logic. BASIC IS GOLD. talk about stories of value , you will have millions of them without even thinking of them, or trying to come out with one. Because you have such a awesome life. Start now and live the life you want to live.

Process Over Outcome, Do you really understand?

Well, So much has been said about process over outcome. It seems like another philosophy that is being passed down from old age sages, and further pre-packaged into new found enlightenment and thus being passed down again to individuals. However, how does all this intertwine with one another? It is all so easy to just go on and reiterate this powerful belief, hoping that it would skyrocket a person's progress towards succeeding with women in Singapore. Well, not exactly.

Am i messing with your head now?

Most people would go, "I don't get what you mean. How do you enjoy the process when you know the outcome might be an ugly one?" There's a lot of unwiring that needs to be done. And attempting to understand without experiencing is a definite no-brainer.

Enjoying the process, in this case communicating with the opposite sex is directly proportionate to your inner purpose. Your primary purpose is not concrete enough, you cannot enjoy the process. With a lot of guys out there who hit the clubs and the streets, i would say that they think their primary purpose is to polish their skills. I'm generalising here, so do bear with me. It is alright and nothing wrong. It probably is a social conditioning in the "PUA" kingdom". And most times, social conditioning creeps into you without you even knowing, If you are truly enjoying the process, you would not feel an inch of incongruency. Think aobut it. If in any case you feel incongruent in the field, uncomfy...or whatever...it is not your skills, or what you did, or what you said. It is your purpose. YOU GOT IT ALL MESS UP.

This is what most guys do:

Primary purpose ----> Polish up skillset

Secondary purpose ----> Enjoying a genuine interaction/making new friends
I'm not saying this is what you should do, or "do not". It's basically my interpretation of this issues. Beliefs change they are never a constant. If they were a constant, evolution probably can never take place. The face that the primary purpose of most guys is to polish their skills, creates a gaping hole in them which allows critisisms to take place. Criticisms can be rejections etc. And not many guys can learn from it the smart way.

Enjoying the process simply means enjoying the process. Nothing else. In order to do that, your attention and purpose has to be ONE. Your primary purpose allows your full attention to flow into your doing...and your secondary purpose is whatever you want to achieve through the doing. Which obviously is the outcome.

This is what i do:

Primary purose ----> Enjoying a genuine interaction/making new friends

Secondary Purpose ----> Polish up skill set

When you take a step, it is your primary purpose. And the destination is your secondary purpose. In many cases, me being guilty of it in the past, i was not really enjoying my interactions with people in the clubs and on the streets. I was desperately sourcing out for indicators of interest and what not. So i could further calibrate myself what a dumb ass i am and it does not mean you neglect what needs to be done on a practical level. It does not mean ignorance. In fact, the doing and process becomes much easier, when the dimensions of attention is acknowledges and so becomes primary . Quality requires attention. Sometimes when I'm whacked, i get shitty results in field. And its great that i have the ability to identify the dysfunction in me at that moment and immediately rectify the whole interaction. Every time was genuine. Nothing was memorized. And often guys asked "what did you say?" "How many indicator of interest did she give?". My answer I DON'T KNOW. It was fun. That's it. I figured a long time ago, that there are probably two ways for me to evolve my game.

1) Be an ass about dynamics, break it down like a robot and get good results, but in me i feel nauseous and burn out.

2) Follow my senses, purpose and enjoy the freaking process of getting to know another human being, sacrificing a little percentage of success rates. But feel congruent and genuine deep down. And even if the approach did not work out, it doesn't affect me.

I chose the second one. It was touch choice. The mental masturbation was terrible. But i recognise a fact. I am human.

Enjoying the processes, over destinations. After all aren't we all searching for that one thing? Happiness? Physical relationships are simply awesome by products of great interaction. It is not an end. By realizing that your entire life journey consists of the step you are taking at this moment. There is only this one step and so you will give your fullest attention to it. This doesn't mean you don't know where you are going. It just means this step is primary, the destination is secondary. What you encounter at your destination once you get there depends on the quality of this one step.

Welcome!

Welcome to the modernman.sg blog.

Most guys in Singapore lack the vital skill set to be successful with women. Pretty much what they know about women and attraction are completely wrong and not true, thus causing them to miss out on a lot of potential relationship and sexual opportunities one can have.

My name is Gate and I am a Dating Coach from Singapore. My aim is to educate you with proven strategies that will help you to be successful with women here in Singapore as well as most parts of Asia . Here, I will be sharing my honest thoughts, experience, tips and advice on how you can attract and date the women of your dreams. The blog will be updated on a weekly basis so do keep a look out for new articles. To receive the weekly updates on the newsletters, go to http://www.datingskillset.com/ and remember this guys. Success with women IS a choice. It's all possible only by making a decision as to whether you want to get this part of your life handled.

P.S Do check out our website http://www.modernman.sg/ regarding the courses available

Your Friend,
Gate