Fear of success with women in Singapore

It's a brand new experience for me today, i did the unthinkable. Well..at least it felt fresh.

I was talking to someone today, and throughout the conversation i could feel an intense energy i can't really explain or decipher. It was somewhat defensive and rigid. Like trying an impossible feat of moving a brick wall with your bare hands.

It got me thinking. And after some painful mind screwing i was giving myself...this is what i came to conclusion with...

People often create an idea of what their life is going to be like, or will eventually be like..And almost auto-pilot-ly..they identify themselves with it. This whole concept eventually becomes their reality. Their reality of who they are, what they are worth, and how they are going to live their life. Which is obviously what makes human beings unique individuals...to a certain extent maybe. Lets face it..let's just dwell into the deeper of it all. Do we really have a strong sense of who we are, and our purpose in life? Or are we simply just following what we think another person is doing right and foolishly model their sense of reality?

Have you ever had any experience talking to a friend whom you think needs help, but just for god's sake sticks to what he thinks he's doing right...even though reality says otherwise? I did. I remember talking to a friend about self improvement, hoping i could add some constructive value to his life...only to end up being mercilessly mocked at by him. Believe me, when you truly want to help, and end up being insulted and laughed at..that will never feel good.

"Do you really think that by going out socialising, and talking to strangers will help assist you in developing your communication skills with the opposite sex? Are you really that desperate to have a girlfriend? Oh com'on, don't be silly. I don't even need to learn all these. I am so blardy good looking. I have an awesome career. Girls will come. All will fall in place. Relax!! Remember how betty used to go head over heels over me? Remember how 5 years ago that girl went crazy over me?" --- Yea..5 years ago? What about the present moment? Stop living in the past will you?

All of the above...might sound familiar to you. Or maybe that person is you. I don't know. But i have friends like that, definitely. I used to come from that state of mind too. LOL. Pretty funny huh..especially now i'm thinking about it. And it brought me to ponder deeper. What is all this bullshit thinking all about? Matter of fact, it's probably derived from FEAR. Fear of having your already constructed reality shattered. Simply because you are being so comfortable in it that you felt there is no need for anything better, anything closer to getting to know your higher self. That similar anxiety you felt when you are unsure of whether you should take on that promotion opportunity or not. YES! That anxiety. That fear of success. That uncertainty.

Or maybe i should just stay put at where i am..at least i kinda feel safe? And then i die and realised how short my journey towards self improvement was? That is sad.

That is probably the reason why most people are unable to take the first step, the first plunge even though they know it eventually will be fruitful for them. The inability to accept that their mentally constructed reality will be destroyed, along with their identity...i mean..it is true...been there, done that. GROWN. =)

It is so paradoxical isn't it? I know i want it, but there is this unexplainable force holding me back. Just what the hell is it? I know by self improvement is good for me, but i just don't feel i need it right now.

WHY?

Maybe i'm just too afraid to leave this comfortable zone in my life to explore new arenas. Or maybe when i step out of comfort, i might die. Or maybe.. or maybe..or maybe...

It never ends. The question keeps coming. What if i surrender my ego, and just take the plunge?

Uncertainty?

Look, when you are born you are uncertain if you are going to survive. When you take an exam, you
are uncertain if you are going to pass with flying grades. When you take on your first job, you are uncertain where it will eventually bring you. And when you die..you are uncertain where you will be going.

YOU ARE LIVING IN UNCERTAINTY ALL YOU LIFE.

So when are you going to get out of your head? Maybe never? What is so scary about uncertainty, now that you realize you have been living your life in uncertainty all this while?

I was conversing with someone who commented on my hair. Reality wise..yes, it probably didn't turn out the way she thought it to be. It simply cannot fit in. So instead of accepting it, she rejected. She became dictative of how my hair should have looked like.....she wanted it to be fitted into her perceived reality. So as to feel comfortable..to feel "at peace". Notice how sometimes you kinda feel icky when you see something you just cannot accept?

LEARN TO ACCEPT IT.

Learn to face your fears. Learn to gravitate around them. Learn to take action.

Till then,

Do something

Love.

Why phone numbers don't mean a thing.

Most guys feel that getting a phone number is equivalent to scoring a goal.

They place far too much importance in it.

Reason is simple. It could be fake, or she may not even answer unknown calls.

Girls give out numbers for all kinds of reasons.

1. She may need some kinda ego boost at that moment
2. She likes u but decided against investing more as there was no/ not enough qualification/attraction done during the interaction
3. She wants to have guys calling/ msg-ing her just to 'kill-time' and show to her friends for social proof
4. She felt embarassed not to give it to you even though she wasn't attracted to you e.g. introduced by common friend

However, a ladies man understands that a phone number is a natural occurence in a successful set. A successful set prior to a phone number is defined as:

1. Attraction created
2. Qualified her ("push-pull")
3. Rapport and connection built (sharing of dreams, vulnerabilities,)

My girlfriend's a natural at doing that (mostly giving out due to common friends, then complaining about chumps bothering her).

Oh, I'm shouldn't be talking about her in public. Lol.

So guys.. getting a phone number means nothing if you haven't done the above 3 steps. Unless she's bored and wants to kill time, she probably won't entertain you for long or at all. If you've done the 3 steps well or ran tight game, she will offer the number to you.

Refer to the post on the phone calls on "how not to mess it up". First 8 lines of your phone dialogue will probably make or kill you as well.

This shit is tough, but nobody ever said it was easy.

Your Friend,
Gate

Amazing how things change.

It's amazing.

I was walking back from supper and I spotted a cute girl with her boyfriend (apparently) from a distance away.

The first thought that crossed my mind was: "She may not be happy in that relationship."

The next was: "Wow.. 8 years ago I would have thought otherwise."

Now, I'm not saying that it's a good way to think, but it's literally universes apart from how most people would see things, given the same situation, isn't it?

Typical thought-pattern of convention thinking:

"Oh she's attached.. .too bad."
"She has a boyfriend.. forget it, what's the use of even trying?"

And so it ends there... or does it?

Let's just say my point-of-view opens up a whole new world of possibilities. In that instance I could decide to find out if she's happy with her current situation.

Instead of "too bad", I wondered "what if she isn't happy?".

So it came to the conclusion that people do and can change. It just takes time, effort and the willingness to.

Inner game takes a long time for most people. Guys in this community often encourage the development of both outer and inner game. They compliment each other.

Sitting at home reading 10 hours of self-improvement books won't help if you don't get out there and experience it first hand.

Going out there with no technique, adequate skills nor the appropriate mindset for 10 hours will only teach you what not to do the next time, and perhaps if you're lucky, you find something that works. Worse if you never learn from your mistakes.

Do both. Join our theory classes and our In field classes where we meet women together in real life situations.

Life is always good. Be a great guy.