4 Guys and 1 Girl

I was in the train today, on my way to an awesome day out. The weather was great. No newpaper, no magazine...i allowed my vision to wander about the freezing cabin, hoping to spot something interesting. No luck.

On to my games in my cell phone..i went on enjoying my little time alone. I was a little distracted when a group of students boarded the train. As usual, loud and seemingly "cool", with tapered pants and huge earphones. .

4 guys, 1 girl. I could easily understand the dynamics of this small little group, just from one glance. 1 attention seeking girl, 4 needy guys. OUCH. Not really healthy. lol. It wasn't until one hokey pokey cool guy made his move..that i felt utterly nauseous. No offence..but i really did. With overcompensating non-verbal cues, and ridiculously meaningless questions...he went on a live firing rampage. Yea...i could see what was goin on.

Guy: Hey, why do you only wear one earphone?
Girl: So im able to listen to my music and know what you guys talk about at the same time.
Guy: Oh, is that nice?
Girl: i duno. hehehehee.

I mean..seriously... as much as i tried to mind my own business, i have this huge inclination to just watch behind my shades and anticipate their next moves. And i'm pretty darn good at that. ROFL. It ended up with the guys fighting to be a hero and bashing one another down and the girl acting weirdly..doing overly compensating actions to ask for attention. It was utterly unsightly.

Can't blame them though. We all came from the same piece of cloth..but until you are unplugged...like "neo" in the matrix..you will forever be like that.

Look, when you are talking to a girl, your mind is moving rapidly...just like a loop. You're always thinking of what to say. If your standards of interaction relates to what you read in romance novels...or even television programmes...there's a very high chance that you will never get the results you want. Televisions are simply...fictional. And most of us who are constantly watching tv programmes, drama etc, are in fact being socially conditioned in a way that society is telling us what we should be doing or should look like.

There will always be a difference in the reality of a scientist and an average joe. What's the difference? It's the information that is constantly being fed into the mind. The scientist analyses..the scientist debates...the scientist experiments..and the results from all these creates his reality of how he views things. However, an average joe is constantly being programmed by the media..by his boss..and bla bla bla....step out of the rat race, step out of conditioning...

Explore various portal of thoughts...you will find it intriguing..

Love,
Gate

Fear of success with women in Singapore

It's a brand new experience for me today, i did the unthinkable. Well..at least it felt fresh.

I was talking to someone today, and throughout the conversation i could feel an intense energy i can't really explain or decipher. It was somewhat defensive and rigid. Like trying an impossible feat of moving a brick wall with your bare hands.

It got me thinking. And after some painful mind screwing i was giving myself...this is what i came to conclusion with...

People often create an idea of what their life is going to be like, or will eventually be like..And almost auto-pilot-ly..they identify themselves with it. This whole concept eventually becomes their reality. Their reality of who they are, what they are worth, and how they are going to live their life. Which is obviously what makes human beings unique individuals...to a certain extent maybe. Lets face it..let's just dwell into the deeper of it all. Do we really have a strong sense of who we are, and our purpose in life? Or are we simply just following what we think another person is doing right and foolishly model their sense of reality?

Have you ever had any experience talking to a friend whom you think needs help, but just for god's sake sticks to what he thinks he's doing right...even though reality says otherwise? I did. I remember talking to a friend about self improvement, hoping i could add some constructive value to his life...only to end up being mercilessly mocked at by him. Believe me, when you truly want to help, and end up being insulted and laughed at..that will never feel good.

"Do you really think that by going out socialising, and talking to strangers will help assist you in developing your communication skills with the opposite sex? Are you really that desperate to have a girlfriend? Oh com'on, don't be silly. I don't even need to learn all these. I am so blardy good looking. I have an awesome career. Girls will come. All will fall in place. Relax!! Remember how betty used to go head over heels over me? Remember how 5 years ago that girl went crazy over me?" --- Yea..5 years ago? What about the present moment? Stop living in the past will you?

All of the above...might sound familiar to you. Or maybe that person is you. I don't know. But i have friends like that, definitely. I used to come from that state of mind too. LOL. Pretty funny huh..especially now i'm thinking about it. And it brought me to ponder deeper. What is all this bullshit thinking all about? Matter of fact, it's probably derived from FEAR. Fear of having your already constructed reality shattered. Simply because you are being so comfortable in it that you felt there is no need for anything better, anything closer to getting to know your higher self. That similar anxiety you felt when you are unsure of whether you should take on that promotion opportunity or not. YES! That anxiety. That fear of success. That uncertainty.

Or maybe i should just stay put at where i am..at least i kinda feel safe? And then i die and realised how short my journey towards self improvement was? That is sad.

That is probably the reason why most people are unable to take the first step, the first plunge even though they know it eventually will be fruitful for them. The inability to accept that their mentally constructed reality will be destroyed, along with their identity...i mean..it is true...been there, done that. GROWN. =)

It is so paradoxical isn't it? I know i want it, but there is this unexplainable force holding me back. Just what the hell is it? I know by self improvement is good for me, but i just don't feel i need it right now.

WHY?

Maybe i'm just too afraid to leave this comfortable zone in my life to explore new arenas. Or maybe when i step out of comfort, i might die. Or maybe.. or maybe..or maybe...

It never ends. The question keeps coming. What if i surrender my ego, and just take the plunge?

Uncertainty?

Look, when you are born you are uncertain if you are going to survive. When you take an exam, you
are uncertain if you are going to pass with flying grades. When you take on your first job, you are uncertain where it will eventually bring you. And when you die..you are uncertain where you will be going.

YOU ARE LIVING IN UNCERTAINTY ALL YOU LIFE.

So when are you going to get out of your head? Maybe never? What is so scary about uncertainty, now that you realize you have been living your life in uncertainty all this while?

I was conversing with someone who commented on my hair. Reality wise..yes, it probably didn't turn out the way she thought it to be. It simply cannot fit in. So instead of accepting it, she rejected. She became dictative of how my hair should have looked like.....she wanted it to be fitted into her perceived reality. So as to feel comfortable..to feel "at peace". Notice how sometimes you kinda feel icky when you see something you just cannot accept?

LEARN TO ACCEPT IT.

Learn to face your fears. Learn to gravitate around them. Learn to take action.

Till then,

Do something

Love.

Why phone numbers don't mean a thing.

Most guys feel that getting a phone number is equivalent to scoring a goal.

They place far too much importance in it.

Reason is simple. It could be fake, or she may not even answer unknown calls.

Girls give out numbers for all kinds of reasons.

1. She may need some kinda ego boost at that moment
2. She likes u but decided against investing more as there was no/ not enough qualification/attraction done during the interaction
3. She wants to have guys calling/ msg-ing her just to 'kill-time' and show to her friends for social proof
4. She felt embarassed not to give it to you even though she wasn't attracted to you e.g. introduced by common friend

However, a ladies man understands that a phone number is a natural occurence in a successful set. A successful set prior to a phone number is defined as:

1. Attraction created
2. Qualified her ("push-pull")
3. Rapport and connection built (sharing of dreams, vulnerabilities,)

My girlfriend's a natural at doing that (mostly giving out due to common friends, then complaining about chumps bothering her).

Oh, I'm shouldn't be talking about her in public. Lol.

So guys.. getting a phone number means nothing if you haven't done the above 3 steps. Unless she's bored and wants to kill time, she probably won't entertain you for long or at all. If you've done the 3 steps well or ran tight game, she will offer the number to you.

Refer to the post on the phone calls on "how not to mess it up". First 8 lines of your phone dialogue will probably make or kill you as well.

This shit is tough, but nobody ever said it was easy.

Your Friend,
Gate

How to deal with rejections from women. The misfire approach.

Rejections from a women during a approach or a date is what i call the misfire approach. Face it, no matter how attractive or seductive you are, there will be a particular girl who hates you, and one who loves you to bits.

There is really nothing you can do about it. No amount of routine is able to rectify that.

However, if you are lovable in the first place, people will eventually like you. You go out with the fire in your eyes, execute your intentions with pure honesty and integrity. That's how you experience congruency. And if you can't look at yourself right in the mirror without flinching a bit, you ain't strong enough.

I'm telling you right now to work on yourself. I'm telling you to practice the misfire approach, rather than the usual planning, aiming of targets.

Leave the lines and dynamics alone for now.

Some guy told me that doing the above is not productive, and it doesn't guarantee results.

Bullshit. This guy who said the above is, and will not be happy internally...for a long long time.

This brings us back to why many guys decided to chart this journey of learning how to communicate better with women.

They ain't get no dates. And they ain't comfortable living alone.

Who sets the rule that if you ain't have any girl, you are a loser? No one.

This skill set addresses the issue that has been, and still is biting at everyone of our inner self. We ain't comfortable spending time alone. Misunderstanding the need for a partner as the answer for our happiness, i was guilty of it.

What are you lacking? You answer it yourself. A relationship is a vehicle to bring out the light in both human beings. To propel both people to higher grounds of consciousness. Nothing more. If you are currently in a long term relationship, ask yourself if you are growing. Growing intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Ask yourself if you constantly challenge your partner to grow. I bet not huh?

The impossible is often untried. Before you say something is impossible, try it. Try it until it works.

Don't limit yourself to structures. Don't burn bridges. I've lost great friends to the human ego. I've lost friends who suddenly realized they have evolved to be a super pick up artist, and lost themselves in delusion. The moment you start viewing yourself as a master, you short change your learning curve.

I never compete against the competition. The only one i compete against is myself, because one day i will beat the competition and then who will i compete against?

There is really nothing more powerful than love in this world. Nothing.

Forgive and have compassion, for that is the operant which brings in the results.

Operants transcend both the observable and non observable. We might picture them as a rainbow bridging the deterministic and the nondeterministic realm.

In dating terms, whatever you feel she feel.

The operant in this case is your body language and the energy you are giving off. With operant as the vehicle to transcend thoughts into actions, you basically will require a strong attractor pattern. In this case, your inner self.

If you are starting of a conversation with a playful teasing, hoping to generate some great responses, hoping she will tease you back..so you can determine her level of interest in order to secure your next move....your attractor pattern is WEAK.

You should rather be allowing your true self to shine, not caring about any rejections or successes you will get throughout the night. Gracefully gliding and mingling around the club and genuinely enjoying yourself. Just how many people can do that?

Before you disagree, think for a moment..are you really enjoying yourself when you are faking an approach?

There you have your answer. You want her. And as a man, how wimpy it is that you need a reason to express your interest in her? That being said, to deliver such a power pact opening by blatantly showing interest..you need some preparations.

You need to smell good
You need to look sharp and well groomed
You need to show your sparking teeth and deliver an ass whooping wide smile
You need to be talking to everyone and assume rapport
You need to be able to hold eye contact (unwavering that is)
You need to be GENUINELY HAPPY and having FUN

The above will take care of many many things. It is the stuff that you should be thinking about when you enter a club, and everywhere you deem fit. It is your attractor pattern. And with these attractor patterns, it directly affects the kind of operants you use, aka bodylanguage / speech / words. And this manifests itself into the observable event. Whether or not she reciprocates solely depends on your internal view of yourself.

Misfire approach? You bet. Who cares if she hates your guts? Does it affect you? End of the day, if you were to die tomorrow, are you going to be happy?

You know the answer my man.

Spend some time, think about it. If the universe is so easily figured out, if dynamics are so easily manipulated, we'll all be gods. Things are always changing. External events intercorrelate. The only control we have is over our emotions and thoughts.

That should be the only unwavering thingy you should care about. Not logistics, not whether she gives you ten iois or not.

Should you be able to be true to your intentions, things will unfold..things will take care of themselves.

Afterall, that's the exciting part of life isn't it? You never know what you get..

Stay true. Try it