Fear of success with women in Singapore

It's a brand new experience for me today, i did the unthinkable. Well..at least it felt fresh.

I was talking to someone today, and throughout the conversation i could feel an intense energy i can't really explain or decipher. It was somewhat defensive and rigid. Like trying an impossible feat of moving a brick wall with your bare hands.

It got me thinking. And after some painful mind screwing i was giving myself...this is what i came to conclusion with...

People often create an idea of what their life is going to be like, or will eventually be like..And almost auto-pilot-ly..they identify themselves with it. This whole concept eventually becomes their reality. Their reality of who they are, what they are worth, and how they are going to live their life. Which is obviously what makes human beings unique individuals...to a certain extent maybe. Lets face it..let's just dwell into the deeper of it all. Do we really have a strong sense of who we are, and our purpose in life? Or are we simply just following what we think another person is doing right and foolishly model their sense of reality?

Have you ever had any experience talking to a friend whom you think needs help, but just for god's sake sticks to what he thinks he's doing right...even though reality says otherwise? I did. I remember talking to a friend about self improvement, hoping i could add some constructive value to his life...only to end up being mercilessly mocked at by him. Believe me, when you truly want to help, and end up being insulted and laughed at..that will never feel good.

"Do you really think that by going out socialising, and talking to strangers will help assist you in developing your communication skills with the opposite sex? Are you really that desperate to have a girlfriend? Oh com'on, don't be silly. I don't even need to learn all these. I am so blardy good looking. I have an awesome career. Girls will come. All will fall in place. Relax!! Remember how betty used to go head over heels over me? Remember how 5 years ago that girl went crazy over me?" --- Yea..5 years ago? What about the present moment? Stop living in the past will you?

All of the above...might sound familiar to you. Or maybe that person is you. I don't know. But i have friends like that, definitely. I used to come from that state of mind too. LOL. Pretty funny huh..especially now i'm thinking about it. And it brought me to ponder deeper. What is all this bullshit thinking all about? Matter of fact, it's probably derived from FEAR. Fear of having your already constructed reality shattered. Simply because you are being so comfortable in it that you felt there is no need for anything better, anything closer to getting to know your higher self. That similar anxiety you felt when you are unsure of whether you should take on that promotion opportunity or not. YES! That anxiety. That fear of success. That uncertainty.

Or maybe i should just stay put at where i am..at least i kinda feel safe? And then i die and realised how short my journey towards self improvement was? That is sad.

That is probably the reason why most people are unable to take the first step, the first plunge even though they know it eventually will be fruitful for them. The inability to accept that their mentally constructed reality will be destroyed, along with their identity...i mean..it is true...been there, done that. GROWN. =)

It is so paradoxical isn't it? I know i want it, but there is this unexplainable force holding me back. Just what the hell is it? I know by self improvement is good for me, but i just don't feel i need it right now.

WHY?

Maybe i'm just too afraid to leave this comfortable zone in my life to explore new arenas. Or maybe when i step out of comfort, i might die. Or maybe.. or maybe..or maybe...

It never ends. The question keeps coming. What if i surrender my ego, and just take the plunge?

Uncertainty?

Look, when you are born you are uncertain if you are going to survive. When you take an exam, you
are uncertain if you are going to pass with flying grades. When you take on your first job, you are uncertain where it will eventually bring you. And when you die..you are uncertain where you will be going.

YOU ARE LIVING IN UNCERTAINTY ALL YOU LIFE.

So when are you going to get out of your head? Maybe never? What is so scary about uncertainty, now that you realize you have been living your life in uncertainty all this while?

I was conversing with someone who commented on my hair. Reality wise..yes, it probably didn't turn out the way she thought it to be. It simply cannot fit in. So instead of accepting it, she rejected. She became dictative of how my hair should have looked like.....she wanted it to be fitted into her perceived reality. So as to feel comfortable..to feel "at peace". Notice how sometimes you kinda feel icky when you see something you just cannot accept?

LEARN TO ACCEPT IT.

Learn to face your fears. Learn to gravitate around them. Learn to take action.

Till then,

Do something

Love.

Why phone numbers don't mean a thing.

Most guys feel that getting a phone number is equivalent to scoring a goal.

They place far too much importance in it.

Reason is simple. It could be fake, or she may not even answer unknown calls.

Girls give out numbers for all kinds of reasons.

1. She may need some kinda ego boost at that moment
2. She likes u but decided against investing more as there was no/ not enough qualification/attraction done during the interaction
3. She wants to have guys calling/ msg-ing her just to 'kill-time' and show to her friends for social proof
4. She felt embarassed not to give it to you even though she wasn't attracted to you e.g. introduced by common friend

However, a ladies man understands that a phone number is a natural occurence in a successful set. A successful set prior to a phone number is defined as:

1. Attraction created
2. Qualified her ("push-pull")
3. Rapport and connection built (sharing of dreams, vulnerabilities,)

My girlfriend's a natural at doing that (mostly giving out due to common friends, then complaining about chumps bothering her).

Oh, I'm shouldn't be talking about her in public. Lol.

So guys.. getting a phone number means nothing if you haven't done the above 3 steps. Unless she's bored and wants to kill time, she probably won't entertain you for long or at all. If you've done the 3 steps well or ran tight game, she will offer the number to you.

Refer to the post on the phone calls on "how not to mess it up". First 8 lines of your phone dialogue will probably make or kill you as well.

This shit is tough, but nobody ever said it was easy.

Your Friend,
Gate

Amazing how things change.

It's amazing.

I was walking back from supper and I spotted a cute girl with her boyfriend (apparently) from a distance away.

The first thought that crossed my mind was: "She may not be happy in that relationship."

The next was: "Wow.. 8 years ago I would have thought otherwise."

Now, I'm not saying that it's a good way to think, but it's literally universes apart from how most people would see things, given the same situation, isn't it?

Typical thought-pattern of convention thinking:

"Oh she's attached.. .too bad."
"She has a boyfriend.. forget it, what's the use of even trying?"

And so it ends there... or does it?

Let's just say my point-of-view opens up a whole new world of possibilities. In that instance I could decide to find out if she's happy with her current situation.

Instead of "too bad", I wondered "what if she isn't happy?".

So it came to the conclusion that people do and can change. It just takes time, effort and the willingness to.

Inner game takes a long time for most people. Guys in this community often encourage the development of both outer and inner game. They compliment each other.

Sitting at home reading 10 hours of self-improvement books won't help if you don't get out there and experience it first hand.

Going out there with no technique, adequate skills nor the appropriate mindset for 10 hours will only teach you what not to do the next time, and perhaps if you're lucky, you find something that works. Worse if you never learn from your mistakes.

Do both. Join our theory classes and our In field classes where we meet women together in real life situations.

Life is always good. Be a great guy.

Your environment reflects YOU and your success with women.

Busy busy busy. I hate the early morning squeezing, and late evening pushing. I think singapore is getting too over populated. ROFL. People start standing across the "Yellow Line", when the train is passing by at lightning speed. Crazy muthafukas.

Anyway, if you think i'm gona chant and rant on any recent girl experiences...you might wana look elsewhere. lol.

I'm heavily burnt out right now, but i'm pushing myself to blog. Reason being..?

*READ THE TITLE*

For every effort you employ to push yourself to greater heights and to breaking your limits, you grow. Simple yet true.

I'm in fact pushing my mental capacity right now...just like my every morning to work. While people are busy catching their precious "i finally got a seat in the train and now im going to sleep" BEAUTY SLEEP...i'm reading a 500 page book.

I get weird stares and funny looks, i don't know why.

Look, you can easily stand out from the crowd and know you are unique when you see a majority of the population behaving the same way every morning.

"Droopy eyes..walking zombie with no effing sparkle of energy"

Some people say that you can create your environment. You can decide what kind of life you want to lead. True enough. However, please do not mistake this for "The environment mean no shit to me".

It took me sometime to fully understand this concept. and at some point in my life, when i least expects...it went "click". Somehow it seems like we humans are meant to be simple. We humans are meant to adapt. We humans are meant to merge. We humans are meant to be in our comfort zone.

Your environment and you correlate. They both work hand in hand. There is no "one stronger force". There essentially should be balance.

You are the mirror of your environment.

Through personal experience, i realised that it is close to impossible to change this fact. Well, my opinions here..so..yeah. You can control though. The fact that we become complacent. That we adapt, almost too quickly.

Say you have superb social skills, superb social abilities around women. You party all day, you enjoy life to its fullest.

Take a month or two, get into the bandwagon, and join the rat race.

And tell me..how much more of a ladies man are you? How much more of a social butterfly can you then be? Social conditiong is taking place. Social routines are making you a robot.

You can never be "something" forever. If you even see yourself as a POOAA..then good for you. Cos you know what? You can never be one forever. Cos there isn't forever. There is no constant.
The only constant is change. And if you cant accpet this fact..then you will lose out. Lose out big time. Everything is changing. The environment changes. New buildings are built. New gadgets are invented. What can you do? You can only change.

And in fact. this is exactly how your environment will affect you and how you live your life to a certain extent. However, you are able to tap on this issue and maximise the positivity that you want in your life. And that is your choice. And when you make that choice, be it for the good of mankind ..or you...it will affect the environment. And thus...change will take place again.

This whole process can be known as....EVOLUTION.

And if you choose to party all day and night, boozing here and there..enjoying life... then that probably might be what you will do in a small part of your life. And if you inject any more life into it, it might become a large part of your life..and in turn..might be the only thing that you have in your life. And you have literally transform yourself from a "not bad" person to a loser who only plays and plays...and ends up having problems paying the bills.

And if you choose to be a guy who only revolves his life purpose in meeting and dating many girls..then you probably can see yourself ten years down the road......whatever you deem fit.

There is much more to life than constantly dating girls. True enough, love is great. However, take some time to just hang out with friends..just chill and have fun. You don't always need to turn things sexual whenever a lady is around.

So, start thinking about what you want in your life..and go find it!

cheers!

Simple is what get the girls.

Met some awesome guys last night, really cool and sincere people. Shared some ideas on dating throughout the night, and voila.!!. Laughter and smiles all over the place. It's as if people around us were non-existent.

Had a simple but mind blowing epiphany today.


Simply put, it's this simple and stupid system in which people learn new stuff. Especially in the dating industry...which makes them so darn robotic, and fake..yea.


Oblivious ---> Exposed to new technique ---> Test out new technique ---> Trial and error ---> sift out what works and what doesn't ---> Explore new technique ---> Test out technique --->Trial and error ---> sift our what works and what doesn't

Awesome flow chart right? I mean trial and error is great right? NO? From being totally oblivious to any dating advices to having an upper hand, to trying out these new found knowledge, to testing it out, to keeping what works and what doesnt, and finally to explore NEW techniques again...and on...and on..and on...

Great you say? Yes..that's what most guys in the dating community thinks...and eventually behave.

Great..i digress.

That's what's gonna kill you in the long run. From building up an egoistic self, to making yourself feel miserable by always having the need to think of new tactics to get the girl.

As i always say...keep it short and simple. and POTENT.

My mentality..

Oblivious ---> Exposed to new technique ---> Test out new technique ---> Trial and error ---> sift out what works and what doesn't ---> Understanding why it works and why it doesn't --->
Freeflow time!

PERIOD.

The difference between both mentality?

The first one gets you stuck in the "What should i Say, Do, Behave NEXT?" to get the girl bubble of stupidity. And turns you into an analytical FREAKSHOW who doesnt know how to have real fun.

The latter enables you to expand your perspective, while understanding key concepts..in essence allows you to showcase your natural attractiveness, while not compensating on the attraction department.

Fair?

Is this the key to destroying weird freak shows ??

I dun know..

I just love myself.

=)

How to deal with rejections from women. The misfire approach.

Rejections from a women during a approach or a date is what i call the misfire approach. Face it, no matter how attractive or seductive you are, there will be a particular girl who hates you, and one who loves you to bits.

There is really nothing you can do about it. No amount of routine is able to rectify that.

However, if you are lovable in the first place, people will eventually like you. You go out with the fire in your eyes, execute your intentions with pure honesty and integrity. That's how you experience congruency. And if you can't look at yourself right in the mirror without flinching a bit, you ain't strong enough.

I'm telling you right now to work on yourself. I'm telling you to practice the misfire approach, rather than the usual planning, aiming of targets.

Leave the lines and dynamics alone for now.

Some guy told me that doing the above is not productive, and it doesn't guarantee results.

Bullshit. This guy who said the above is, and will not be happy internally...for a long long time.

This brings us back to why many guys decided to chart this journey of learning how to communicate better with women.

They ain't get no dates. And they ain't comfortable living alone.

Who sets the rule that if you ain't have any girl, you are a loser? No one.

This skill set addresses the issue that has been, and still is biting at everyone of our inner self. We ain't comfortable spending time alone. Misunderstanding the need for a partner as the answer for our happiness, i was guilty of it.

What are you lacking? You answer it yourself. A relationship is a vehicle to bring out the light in both human beings. To propel both people to higher grounds of consciousness. Nothing more. If you are currently in a long term relationship, ask yourself if you are growing. Growing intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Ask yourself if you constantly challenge your partner to grow. I bet not huh?

The impossible is often untried. Before you say something is impossible, try it. Try it until it works.

Don't limit yourself to structures. Don't burn bridges. I've lost great friends to the human ego. I've lost friends who suddenly realized they have evolved to be a super pick up artist, and lost themselves in delusion. The moment you start viewing yourself as a master, you short change your learning curve.

I never compete against the competition. The only one i compete against is myself, because one day i will beat the competition and then who will i compete against?

There is really nothing more powerful than love in this world. Nothing.

Forgive and have compassion, for that is the operant which brings in the results.

Operants transcend both the observable and non observable. We might picture them as a rainbow bridging the deterministic and the nondeterministic realm.

In dating terms, whatever you feel she feel.

The operant in this case is your body language and the energy you are giving off. With operant as the vehicle to transcend thoughts into actions, you basically will require a strong attractor pattern. In this case, your inner self.

If you are starting of a conversation with a playful teasing, hoping to generate some great responses, hoping she will tease you back..so you can determine her level of interest in order to secure your next move....your attractor pattern is WEAK.

You should rather be allowing your true self to shine, not caring about any rejections or successes you will get throughout the night. Gracefully gliding and mingling around the club and genuinely enjoying yourself. Just how many people can do that?

Before you disagree, think for a moment..are you really enjoying yourself when you are faking an approach?

There you have your answer. You want her. And as a man, how wimpy it is that you need a reason to express your interest in her? That being said, to deliver such a power pact opening by blatantly showing interest..you need some preparations.

You need to smell good
You need to look sharp and well groomed
You need to show your sparking teeth and deliver an ass whooping wide smile
You need to be talking to everyone and assume rapport
You need to be able to hold eye contact (unwavering that is)
You need to be GENUINELY HAPPY and having FUN

The above will take care of many many things. It is the stuff that you should be thinking about when you enter a club, and everywhere you deem fit. It is your attractor pattern. And with these attractor patterns, it directly affects the kind of operants you use, aka bodylanguage / speech / words. And this manifests itself into the observable event. Whether or not she reciprocates solely depends on your internal view of yourself.

Misfire approach? You bet. Who cares if she hates your guts? Does it affect you? End of the day, if you were to die tomorrow, are you going to be happy?

You know the answer my man.

Spend some time, think about it. If the universe is so easily figured out, if dynamics are so easily manipulated, we'll all be gods. Things are always changing. External events intercorrelate. The only control we have is over our emotions and thoughts.

That should be the only unwavering thingy you should care about. Not logistics, not whether she gives you ten iois or not.

Should you be able to be true to your intentions, things will unfold..things will take care of themselves.

Afterall, that's the exciting part of life isn't it? You never know what you get..

Stay true. Try it

Happiness and your dating structure.

People view happiness differently. Some see it as having what they want, some see it as achieving personal goals, some see it as watching others appreciate their lives...so on and so forth.

Are you happy? Are you really happy?

If you even need any time to think about it..you are not happy. Face it. How congruent are we..how sure are we..to say we are totally happy? Don't tell me..don't ask me...ask yourself. Just like how i asked myself.

Happiness is not about what you have, or how much you have. Rather, it is about how much you give. And this road of giving is not for the faint hearted. This road of giving, will show you the way to human open-ness. But you will have to go through alot of pain, alot of wiring on your already socially programmed mindset..to give selflessly. It will show you the way to unconditional love. Love that requires no expectations of returns. Well, if there are any..those are simply bonuses and by-products of your human aawesome-ness. Until you are able to do that...you will always be finding that one special secret recipe. Deep down in you, in the middle of the night, just before sleeping, you will reflect...you will talk to yourself...you will ask....how do i find it?

In any case, whenever you expect a reward of your giving...you will feel terrible. Anytime you place any importance on rewards..any importance to feed your ego..you will feel terrible. As much as i thought this whole thing was about learning how to speak with women, and attract them on a primal level...i quickly knew that there was more. More than meets the eye.

You want to know how to attract a woman you fancy?

Improve

Improve yourself as a whole. Not only on superficial levels such as conversational skills, humor, or whatsoever that you will learn in bootcamp. Rather....it is really about building a solid set of moral values, character, beliefs, etc. To summarise, be someone of standard. Be a really good person. Be a person who gives value. Be a person who sings praises of people who deserve it. Let it go.

A car with engine and petrol will move, but if it is an old and faulty engine...some crappy petrol...the car ain't gonna go far.Your value as a man is your capacity as a man.

With extra resources on building confidence, learning to be creatively humorous, ability to continue and escalate conversations, the road to finding your purpose and building your structure as a man will be much more easier.

Afterall, these are just my opinions and my thoughts on this subject.

But really think about it.

Your ability to be a value giver..is really a beautiful attribute. It is a gorgeous thing to have.

Realistically speaking..what is so good about being able to meet women..and being really good at it? The physical pleasure? Or the beautiful energy when both humans connect on an emotional level?

If this is your warped reality...

You go out one night, you meet a beautiful woman..you spent time with her...you bring her home...and you made sweet physical love...and then she leaves..the next night..you meet another beautiful girl...and the cycle goes on..and it happens for years..and then you die. Lets say...you die 3 years down the road...and you have spent your last 3 years doing what you were doing...successfully...constantly dating gorgeous women...and now you're on your deathbed...you look back...apart from having those pretty girls ..of who many probably don't even remember you.....are you happy? Is this the life you want? Have you really allowed your core as a man to shine? To face your fears of pain? To be a giver rather than a taker?

Hey, this obviously is not the life i wanna lead though. I know i will not be happy. This kind of life is not fulfilled to me at all. When i'm on my deathbed, i want to know..that i had lived a full life. A life that i know i gave my best. I know i gave my everything, i gave what i want and i experienced what served as beautiful lessons...to discover myself on a deeper level. I want to know that i made an impact on the lives of the people who came into my life.

To die knowing that i have given my true gift..or knowing that i have done my every best in my everyday life...like what an anonymous self help guru said...is very empowering.

When i started my journey learning how to be good with women..i was working on quantity. Never did i expect it was a pretty warped reality. But it brought me to where i am now. It provided me with a direction for self improvement. I now focus on quality. Women of depth.

Opening someone up and leaving them with no concrete reason is a very cruel act. Why would anybody wana do that? It really is not about how many women you hook up with...it is really not about the quantity...but rather..the quality.

Your values and motive that you have is directly proportionate to the kind of woman you attract.

If you ain't have the right motive..you ain't have the right woman.

If you are of no quality yourself...you ain't gonna attract a quality woman.

Women can smell you from afar. The moment you speak...they know where you are coming from. They know if you are a man who knows his purpose in life, or just another shallow man who simply wants some physical love.

A smile attracts a smile

A punch receives a punch

You want to attract a good woman....?

BE A GOOD MAN YOURSELF FIRST

Your Friend,
Gate